Monday, February 12, 2018

"I've got a problem with my boss, so why do you want to know about my mum?" Short answer: 'cause you're a special snowflake. Yes, really!

If you've not been into it before, you might worry about what happens during a therapy session.

So here's an example of how you might typically tackle a common problem, in the hope it helps sheds some light on the process.

Suppose you make an appointment to discuss an office problem. "My boss gives me orders, and when I ask a question, he yells," you say. "It's gotten to the point where I'm shaking just at the thought of talking to him. What do I do to fix this?"

The thing is, I can't tell you how to fix it straight off. I know what works for me, but not what works for you. You are a unique human being with your own style, character and circumstances.

Yes, you're a special snowflake! 

So what I have to do, is to get to you know you really well, and reasonably quickly. (Because you're paying me and you don't want to be hanging around for weeks on end)

So what are the steps to figure it out?

#1 I ask, "Tell me about the last three times your boss yelled."  We examine the situations in detail so I can see exactly what's going on. At the end of this, I have a better idea of your feelings, your personal style, your boss' personal style and so on.

#2 As a boss is an authority figure, I then look to see how you handle authority figures generally. So I ask, "How do you fight with your mum?" I might also ask about your dad, your teacher at school, your older sibs, former bosses - whatever works.

#3 At this point, I have a good idea of who you are, and of your personal style. The next step is to see if you already have successes in this area. So I ask you, "Have you ever been in a word fight and turned it around?"

#4 We now have lots of information about you and the situation, so now we look at general principles of how issues like your are resolved by other people. Generally, this involves me explaining theories and examples.

#5 Now we pick through everything, and we decide on an approach that a) suits your style and situation, and b) that has some good evidence for working with others.

And at this point, we go on to practice (modeling, we call it) in a safe space, and then we work up to you going out solo.

As you can see, most of it isn't rocket science but it does take a bit of work, especially when it comes to steps 4 and 5 which are often where clients get the most benefit.

I hope this helps, and if you're looking for a counselling psychologist working online for stress and depression management, you know how to contact me. I work online via Skype and Messenger. My current charges are RM100 or US$30 over Paypal.

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